Disappearance, Runaway, Return: How to SUPPORT a Child and Family in Crisis
Each year in Poland, over 2000 minors under 17 experience disappearance, with the majority being runaways from homes or care facilities. The causes are often conflicts, violence, or emotional problems. Although over 95% of children are found within the first week, the problem is alarming, and a teenager's return home and to their peer environment poses an immense challenge.
Interview with a Psychologist: Aneta Bańkowska on Fundacja ITAKA's Support
In a conversation with Izabela Pajdała, Aneta Bańkowska, a psychologist and coordinator of Fundacja ITAKA's support line, explains how parents can cope in such a difficult situation.
"Be Attentive to Your Child" – What Does It Mean?
Contemporary parents face a difficult task, unable to protect their children from all threats. Runaways can stem from both domestic issues and problems outside the home – at school or in peer relationships. Raising parental competencies and building a strong, supportive relationship with the child are crucial.
Responding to a child's signals is extremely important. Unfortunately, teenagers often hide problems or speak about them with a delay. Often, running away is a last resort when the child lacks other mechanisms for asking for help, which can result from damaged trust or fear of disappointing adults. Raising a child with the conviction that a parent will always help and stand by their side is a foundation built over years.
First Moments After Disappearance: Fear, Uncertainty, and Procedures
A child's disappearance evokes an unimaginable spectrum of emotions. Parents often hesitate whether to report a runaway, fearing consequences for the child and family, such as curator intervention. It's important to remember that notifying services is not a punishment but an expression of concern and a pursuit of ensuring the child's safety. This approach should also be explained to the child upon their return.
In situations where runaways become repetitive, reporting to the police can be a step towards setting a boundary and an impetus for further actions, such as family therapy.
Returning Home: How to React to the Emotions of the Child and Family?
Upon the child's return, the most important thing is to express genuine joy that they are safe and sound. Immediately after their return, the priority should be to meet the child's basic needs – a meal, a bath, rest. Long discussions about the incident should be postponed until the next day. At that time, it's worth discussing the parents' fears and explaining the steps taken during the search, focusing on love and care for the child.
Do not force the child to recount details of their disappearance. Instead, ask what they need and how they can be supported. It is crucial to keep promises made to the child, e.g., scheduling a psychologist's appointment, to avoid undermining trust.
After returning, a child often grapples with guilt, tension, fear of punishment, and stigmatization. They are not thinking about satisfaction but about survival. It's important for parents to understand this perspective and not blame the child.
School and Virtual Environment: Challenges After Return
In the school environment, teachers and peers should offer support, not pressure, and not joke about the situation. Stigmatization and gossip can be very difficult for a child. Unfortunately, sometimes running away is treated by peers as an "achievement," which requires attention from adults.
The virtual world is both a tool in searches and a source of problems. Cyberbullying is a common cause of runaways. After returning, a child must contend with brutal and hurtful comments online. Fundacja ITAKA warns against providing private contact details in public announcements to avoid cruelty from strangers.
Where to Seek Help?
Parents do not have to be infallible. In case of doubt, they can call the free number for the Fundacja ITAKA Missing Child and Teenager Helpline: 116 000. Many places and specialists are ready to offer support. It is important for parents to engage in the process of repairing relationships, and if necessary, the entire family should seek psychological support, as a child's problems often reflect systemic difficulties.
Shift in Approach to Searches
Aneta Bańkowska notes a positive change: in recent years, there have been no unsolved disappearances of small children. The police act swiftly, and most cases are runaways, not criminal in nature. This underscores the importance of promptly reporting disappearances.
This article is based on an interview by Izabela Pajdała-Kusińska (BKS KGP) with Aneta Bańkowska from Fundacja ITAKA.
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